January 1st came and what did I do but yes vowed to lose weight in 2020. I have joined more weight loss challenges then I can count and have vowed to lose weight just as many times if not more. I'm not sure what makes this time any different but I have to believe that this time will be different. I joined my office weight loss challenge weighing in at 211.4. Wow saying it out loud makes me want to cry in shame. I am so broken. Over the years I have lost and gained. I have taken different paths in relationships and careers and all have lead me to where I am now.
Like any good New Years Resolutions I have a plan. I have been a member of the gym for months so that part is done. I have decided that going back to my weight loss success notes made the most sense and found that I had the most success when following a calorie deficit diet.
I'm not sure what keeps me from losing weight. Is it that I am complacent in my relationship and don't need to lose weight? Is it that I lack motivation? Is it that I lack Drive? What drives a person to lose weight? Motivation led by a life-changing event? Things like marriage need to have a child health issues. Without motivation and drive will I be successful in my weight loss challenge? Am I looking at weight loss in the wrong way? Is it that I keep trying to lose weight versus change negative unhealthy things about my life including what I eat and my lack of exercise? Do I lack a why, why do I want to lose weight? In my mind I have why's. My body aches, I feel sluggish and out of breath more often than I should. I know that my health has been affected find my obesity. I hope to someday get remarried and will want to look my very best that day. I find myself depressed by the way that I look and feel. Why are these why's not enough to motivate me? I hope that they are this time.
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