Fighting Through a Funk

Want to know what life is like as the fat friend... well that is me and I will tell you. It is hard. It is so very hard. My low self-esteem and self image holds me back from doing things and I hate that. I hate wearing jeans in the summer because I don't want to show people my legs. I don't want them to see my pale, cellulite filled legs. I wont wear tank tops because I hate my arms and my chest is too big (thanks to being fat). I sit poolside covered up so that know one sees how nasty I look in a swimsuit. I don't want to run around playing any type of sports for fear that someone will see my fat jiggle. I feel like everyone is judge every thing I eat. "Why is that fat girl ordering dessert?"

I spend all my time comparing myself to others. Why can she lose weight but I can't? It's not fair that she lost her baby weight within months of having her baby yet I am 6 years out still waiting for baby fat to drop off. How can she eat anything she wants and not gain?

I question what I am doing wrong and why the weight isn't coming off. I think the hardest part is know that I can be skinny; always was but now I can't even get into a healthy weight range. Lately it's gotten worse. My husbands company started a biggest loser contest oh maybe 11 weeks ago. This is the final week. I am in 4th place which is great but 3rd sounds so much better. The problem is I need to lose 3 1/2 pounds this week plus whatever current 3rd place loses. I want that 3rd place so bad. I have been killing it workout wise. I have tried to avoid my night snacking but still the scale does not move. I am so annoyed and frustrated I could scream and would if I thought it would help me lose weight.

I feel so discouraged lately. I want to see 2+ pounds lost each week and only having point something is tough to take. How to I mentally get out of this funk.