Putting Myself Out There

“Hi, my name is Melody, and I’m divorced.”  That’s pretty much how it feels to share this part of my life with people.  I might as well wear a big red ‘D’ on my shirt.  What happened?  Really bad question to ask a divorced or divorcing person, by the way. The D-word had never even crossed my mind, and literally one day I woke up and realized that I did not know who he was, I did not know who I was, and I had no idea how we had gotten to that place.  Once the divorce was finalized I felt like a newborn.  I had to learn how to walk, talk, feel, exist on my own again.

I will never speak ill of my ex here on the site because what happened between us is private but I will say that the end of our marriage was a long time coming. It was not anything as clear-cut as someone cheating or someone having a sudden change of heart.  We had some problems, sure, we fought occasionally like a normal couple. But what ultimately broke us apart were a series of small things that festered for YEARS.  It is amazing how long denial will carry you, how long you can tell yourself, “We love each other, it will work itself out.”  Very few things in marriage work themselves out.  You ladies know – marriage is work.  If you are not actively working on your issues, they can start to rot. In marriage, the little things matter and some little things don’t matter at all.  A hug at the right moment, a text message to have a great day, listening to me when I’m upset, doing the dishes without my asking – those things all make my heart swell in a way that makes me proud to be married to my husband.  Balled-up socks, tracking dirt in the house, letting the trash overflow before it goes out – those things are unimportant.  Nitpicking my husband needlessly distances us from each other.  My failed marriage taught me a lot about what I really need from another person and what I need to let GO. “Everything happens for a reason” is bullshit.  This is a tricky one because I am in a really good place in life right now, so in a way my divorce got me to where I am today.  But to say that all this had to happen to me – that I HAD to lose half of my friends and most of my belongings, that I HAD to leave my home behind, that I HAD to have my self-concept shattered to pieces before I could be the person in the place I am now… I don’t buy it.  My divorce did not happen because of anything cosmic or supernatural, it just happened because it happened, and it sucked, and I learned from it, and it’s better now. So when it was officially over I did not need to go through a mourning process because I think I had already been through that a while ago. I did, however, struggle with feeling like being a single mom is not what I pictured for my life. I mean, I’m sure everyone that gets married thinks you’ll be with that person for life and if you decide to have kids you’ll raise them together. Letting go of the picture I had in my head for how I wanted my life to be was one of the hardest things I have gone through this year. And I still struggle with this sometimes.

Even before our divorce was final I was thrust into a state of transition. I sold him our family home and then I had to watch my kids go "home" to a home that was not mine with them. I am renting a home that makes me very unhappy because it does not feel like mine. I have nights that I stare at the colorless walls feeling very much like them colorless. You can’t commit to someone else until you are fully committed to yourself.  This is not so much about loving yourself (though that’s good) or feeling good about yourself (that’s good too), it’s about knowing and being true to yourself.  The fallout from my divorce left me broken as a person.  It’s cheesy, but I always think of it like I was a piece of pottery that got knocked onto the floor.  The process of healing from my breakup has been slow and it takes time to glue those pieces back together.  The most reassuring thing about it is that when it is done, I will look basically the same as I had before but I will be a much stronger version of who I was.  My core values and beliefs are incredibly important to me, and there are certain qualities in a significant other that I am simply not willing to put up with.  At the same time, I’m not perfect.  

I have gain 30 pounds this year. Yes, 30. I haven’t figured out how to fit exercise in as a single mom and gained a lot of the weight while going through the divorce. Even though the divorce is done and I'm moving on, my weight gain is really getting me down. Big time.

I also recently decided to gently put myself out there dating again and it’s bringing out insecurities I did not even know I had. Like, if someone finds out my full name and Googles me, they will right away read all my pieces here on my blog, and I have written about some very personal topics; like my struggle with overeating. Do you think I am just going to scare people away right off the bat? And what about my weight? I feel like no one will be attracted to me physically because of my weight gain this year.

I’ve been through so much in 2014 & 2015 but I do feel like I’m finding my true self again. And despite all of the trials of the year, it feels really good to be more authentically myself.

Getting Back into Shape after the Big "D"

5 Tips for Getting Back in Shape after a Divorce

Divorce is the end of a relationship, but it is also a beginning of a new phase in your life.  

• Set Specific goal. I am not talking about those evil number goals like I want to drop a million pounds. Rather; let's set a goal that does not have a date or a number stamped on it. You know that you want to get in shape – can you extend that further into a specific goal?  Like, “I want to train for a race” or “I want to do a hiking adventure".  Goals give you something to look forward to
• Increase your friendship circle.  Sometimes after a split friendships fracture too, or your friends focus on the break-up when maybe you want to talk about something else.  If one of your goals was to do an endurance event for a good cause, you might want to consider Team In Training. You fund-raise for cancer research and they train you for the event of your choice.  You train as a team so you get to meet dozens of new people.  Friends help you stick to your goals and take your mind off your problems.
• Talk to your doctor.  The weight gain may be tied to thyroid issues, which is common among women of a certain age with unexplained weight gain.  It’s a simple test and good to rule out.  Also, it’s always a good idea to let your doctor know when you’re trying a new exercise program so she/he can give you a little guidance.  (For example, if you have high blood pressure there are certain exercises you will want to avoid.)
• Food is for fuel.When I’m going through rough times, I tend to think of food as a friend.  Chips, oh those yummy salty chip can always cheer me up.  But food is not a friend, or something to eat when you’re bored; the sole purpose of food is to fuel your body.  If you had a shiny new sports car (I like a blue mustang, personally) would you shovel dirt into it?  Heck no!  You’d put in the premium gasoline so it runs well.  Now is the time to fuel yourself with proper nutrients, six times per day.  It should be a mix of proteins, complex carbohydrates and vegetables, with a little bit of healthy fat. 
• Cardio and strength train.  If you are trying to lose weight then cardio is key.  One of my favorite quotes is, “Sweat is Fat Crying.”  Your cardio should be at a level 5-7 effort, meaning you should still be able to hold a conversation but you’re also sweating. Lifting 15 lb. dumbbells will make you look toned, feminine and strong.  Not sure what exercises to do?  This is also a great opportunity to talk to some new people at the gym and ask for help.  (It doesn’t have to be a potential date; some of my best friends are women I met at the gym.) I love circuits. Check out my blog for routines I have done in the past. 

Change can be hard, but it can be exciting too. Embrace new beginnings one dumbbell at a time.

Failing & The 3 Reasons We Do

One thing I have learned over years of yo-yo dieting is that it is not the diet that failed it was me. It was my way of looking at it and my way of approaching it. I have tried every diet under the sun - from watermelon only to high protein to shakes and everything in between. I have lost and gained the same pounds over and over and over again. Nothing seems to help and work but I continue to search and struggle. 

There are three key reasons I fail at all of these diets and why so many others do as well. 

1. Commitment - they all require commitment and not just a simple commitment; a major one. Buy all new food. Prepare food. Buy gym equipment or get a membership. Buy supplements. Eat this at this set time. Measure, track, weigh, hold your breath and pray. Commitment! When you ask someone to do a complete 180 it can be overwhelming and near impossible. 

2. Discouragement - oh yes I said it; discouragement. We have all had it. When follow the diet to a "t". We workout until we ache and the scale does not move. What gives? We grab the bag of chips and say screw it. Some days it doesn't seem worth it. Been there and done that.

3.  Unsustainable - it is okay to give up all real food for a couple weeks but can you continue to drink shakes every day for every meal? Can you continue to workout 2-3 hours every day for life? The thing is most "diets" are unsustainable for life. 

So... what can we do about this? Give up and settle on our current weight for life? No!!!! That is not the answer. We need to change our habits.. I love this quote because it is so very true.. 

"Successful people are simply those with successful habits. – Brian Tracy"

So let's change our habits. What is the first thing you do in the morning when you wake up? Start a pot of coffee, take a shower, watch some tv, check your email and Facebook? Chances are that you said some if not all of these things. Remember in my previous blog I said this journey is about zero excuses so it's time to change some of the bad habits into good ones and reduce the excuses and eliminate the 3 key reasons for failing. 

First off lets make a list of bad habits. I am not talking about biting your nails and crewing with your mouth open. I am talking about all the little things we do in autopilot. How many minutes do you sit and watch tv in the morning? Could you do it on a stability ball? Or from the treadmill? Small and simple change. Do you shave your legs sitting down? Stand up. Take a look at your list of 5 - 10 items and pick one at a time you can change - and do it! 

In the end it doesn't matter what diet you are trying - if you are not ready to make the changes needed and work past the 3 key reasons of failure you to will fail. So start small and keep your fitness goal ahead of you and you will succeed. 

HOMEMADE OVEN-BAKED ZUCCHINI CHIPS

Ingredients

• 1/4 cup dry breadcrumbs
• 1/4 cup (1 ounce) grated fresh Parmesan cheese 
• 1/4 teaspoon seasoned salt
• 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1/8 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 2 tablespoons fat-free milk
• 2 1/2 cups (1/4-inch-thick) slices zucchini (about 2 small) 
• Cooking spray

1. Preparation 
2. Preheat oven to 425°.
3. Combine first 5 ingredients in a medium bowl, stirring with a whisk. Place milk in a shallow bowl. Dip zucchini slices in milk, and dredge in breadcrumb mixture. Place coated slices on an ovenproof wire rack coated with cooking spray; place rack on a baking sheet. Bake at 425° for 30 minutes or until browned and crisp. Serve immediately.

Tex Mex Stuffed Peppers

Makes 8 servings

Stuffed peppers, can be served as a side, but usually counts as a main dish in our home. 

Recipe Ingredients for TEX MEX STUFFED PEPPERS

1	lb lean ground beef
8	medium green peppers
8	tablespoons fat free sour cream
8	tablespoons salsa
2	cups brown rice
1	cup low fat cheddar cheese
1	cup frozen corn

Recipe Directions for TEX MEX STUFFED PEPPERS

1. Remove tops of peppers, and clean out insides, discard. Blanch peppers in boiling water for one minute, until slightly softened. Set aside.
2. Brown ground beef. Add taco seasoning of your choice (recommend PC Blue Menu Reduced Salt Taco Seasoning Mix).
3. Combine meat, rice, corn, cheese and mix together. Fill each pepper with 1/8th of mixture.
4. Stand peppers in baking dish and bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.
5. Top with fat free sour cream and salsa.

Categories

Main Dish, Side Dish, Mexican

Nutrition Facts

Serving Size 288.6g

Amount Per Serving

Calories 361 Calories from Fat 58

% Daily Value*

Total Fat 6.4g 10%

Saturated Fat 2.4g 12%

Trans Fat 0.0g

Cholesterol 55mg 18%

Sodium 240mg 10%

Total Carbohydrates 49.0g 16%

Dietary Fiber 4.4g 18%

Sugars 5.1g

Protein 26.8g

Vitamin A 13% • Vitamin C 162% Calcium 12% • Iron 19%

* Based on a 2000 calorie diet Nutritional details are an estimate and should only be used as a guide for approximation.

Legend

 Fat
 Protein
 Carbs
 Alcohol
 Other

Calorie Breakdown

Daily Values

Health Information

Nutrition Grade 96% confidence

Good points High in manganese High in phosphorus High in vitamin B6 Very high in vitamin C

Read more: Tex Mex Stuffed Peppers Recipe | Healthy Recipe Ideas http://caloriecount.about.com/tex-mex-stuffed-peppers-recipe-r97555#ixzz2fos1qlga

Labor Day 5K

Summer is almost over and what better way to end summer then with a 5K. Heck I started summer that way so why not..

Memorial Day's 5K time was kind of messed up since the race ended up being a half mile longer. I calculated my time at 35.55.

I decided in June to run another 5K this time hoping to get a real honest time. I ran the Diaper Rash at received a time of 38.31. This time I ran with a friend and we really were not pushing ourselves.

I ran/walked a couple ColorRun's during the summer but really after the Memorial Day race I did not do much training.

This all brings us to Labor Day 5K. This was my first time racing this route. I had ran the route with my daughter the week before and best time was 39 mins. I was not real hopeful. Race day I woke up with a horrible head cold. My running partner got sick also so really had no idea how well we would do. We started off strong with a 10 min mile pace. We managed to run our first mile at this 10/11 min mile pace. Took a short walk and decided that I should go on without her since she was really not feeling so hot. Sadly I took off run/jogging/walking without her the rest of the way. I finished at 35.12 net time. After finishing the first time I decided I should go back and finish strong with my dear friend. I found her just a couple minutes behind me and together we finished the race.

Success

Anytime you are working on losing weight and setting goals you think about things that you hope change when you lose weight. I refer to them at the mile stone successes. We all have them. "I want to walk without my legs rubbing together." I want to wear "normal" size clothing." "I want to run down the stairs to answer the phone and not be out of breath." Things like this. I have a long list of these things. On this list I have clothing sizes I hope to see again. I have things like single digit jeans. Knee high boots. Fit into my wedding dress. Etc. This past weekend I was able to see something I haven't seen in a long time and boy did it feel good.

Drum roll............................

That's right it's a med. top. Something I have not seen in at least 8 years. I can't wear all med. tops but I will get there. 

What are some of your mile stone successes?

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Diaper Dash 5K

Finally the weather is starting to warm up here in Michigan. This past weekend we had fairly decent weather and was able to do a ton of things with the girls. Our goal was to keep family fun time expenses down under $50.

I started off the weekend by completely a 5K. I set out to complete a 5K a month all summer long. I completed my my first one in May on Memorial Day. This was my June race. We have a local group that holds an annual race called the Diaper Dash. This race helps raise funds to help local mothers by purchasing items like diapers.. I completed the 5K in 38.31. Not my best time this year but not a bad time either. I am feeling pretty good. I am sure I could have pushed myself harder, but no second guessing what didn't happen. Only goal setting for next year.

? What does one do with all their race shirts and numbers ?

My legs were so sore after the race that I could barely walk. I am sure I over did it with my personal trainer on Friday. 

Last summer my family was introduced to Geocaching. Ever since we have been dying to go again. Since the weather was nice we decided to head out Saturday and see how many we could find within a 3 mile radius of the house. We found 4. Here is a picture of my two oldest daughter checking out one of them. 

We finished up Saturday night with a fire. Perfect way to end a perfect day. Sunday morning after a big breakfast we headed to complete our fun cheap family weekend. We started out by shooting 9 holes of disc golf. Than we finished it up by spending a couple hours fishing. We didn't catch anything but for our first time out this year we had a great time. 

Life gets so busy sometimes that we forget to just sit back and enjoy the time we get together. This weekend we proved that you could do just that for little to no money.

Memorial Day 5K

The big day came and went and I survived.. I more then survived; I rocked the Memorial Day 5K. I set a goal to beat my personal best time and I did that plus... My best time previously was 44.41 this time it was calculated at 35.55. That is over 8 mins faster then my best time. There was a little bit of confusion on the track layout and after we all finished it was announced that the actual race was a 3.6 mile rather then the 3.1 so I had to calculate my 5K time from my finishing time of 41.28. I wonder how well I would have done if I would of finished stronger a 1/2 mile back? Guess we will find out next year. Now to start preparing for the Diaper Dash in 2 weeks. The Diaper Dash is a typical 5K but all the proceeds go to helping low income families buy diapers.

Oldest daughter MiKayla (11), Middle daughter Nicole (8) and myself. 

My oldest daughter MiKayla

This is me; okay hard to see but I am the one with the pink line across my butt. 

Mexican Meatloaf Muffins

Mexican Meatloaf Muffins

Ingredients

	cooking spray
	1/2 pound uncooked lean ground beef
	1/2 pound uncooked ground chicken
	2 large egg white(s)   ( 1/4 cup liquid egg whites )
	1 cup cornbread stuffing dry mix
	1 medium uncooked onion, chopped
	8 oz canned enchilada sauce
	4 oz canned green chili peppers, diced

•         Preheat oven to 375°F. Coat a muffin pan with cooking spray.
•         In a large bowl, mix beef, chicken, egg whites, stuffing mix, onion, chilies and half of enchilada sauce together. Shape into balls with your hands and place into muffin pan.
•        Cook for 1 hour, top with remaining enchilada sauce and bake for 5 minutes more. 

  

Estimated Nutritional Facts: 1 muffin -- Calories 181.3 * Total Fat 5.3 g * Sodium 520.3 mg * Total Carbohydrate 14.1 g * Protein 18.9 g

Motivation Monday

Okay so it's not Monday but it will be soon enough.. I am currently working on a DVD slideshow for my cousin who is graduation from high school. While going through some old pictures I found a couple from 2 years ago. This was; as some of you might remember when I was at my heaviest 212 pounds. Check out the double chin!